The 2015 Patsy Ratings – Colgate’s Class of 2019

Art heard a knock on the door.  He thrust open the door, but there was nobody there to be seen.

Looking down, he saw an envelope.

"The Committee," it simply read on the back, with a bar code and "100% completion", written in block letters, on the back.

A chill went up Art's spine as he opened the letter, which had the scent of minty freshness.

"Is it those Hamiltonians trying this stuff again?" a businesswoman looking suspiciously like Nicki Minaj said once again.

Art's voice trembled as he read the letter.

"In order to have the Colgate recruiting class at 100% completion," he read, "you need to add these extra names to the end of the list."

There was a pause as Art read the block letters of the recruits listed in the letter, as he made sure both deadbolts on the door were locked and in place.

"And to think," Nicki said, "these guys have the best toothpaste anywhere."

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