Archive For The “Patsy Ratings” Category
Art nervously looked around the greenhouse, his hawking glove frozen in place as the hark glanced at it.
“Cripes,” the businesswoman who looked suspiciously like Nicki Minaj said. We’ve been up all night doing these Patsy Ratings, and it feels like all we’re doing is making the same mixtape over and over.”
“Keep Drake out of this,” Art said.
The businesswoman looked at Art askance, and then continued. “Who’s next?
“Lehigh,” a disgusted Art said.
“That explains the protective gear,” the businesswoman said. “Is it really that bad?
“No,” Art sighed, “it’s actually quite good. The best, according to the Patsy Ratings? I don’t think so. But good? Yes. Yes, it is.”
Art was extremely tired. He had no idea what he had signed up for.
With the businesswoman that looked uncannily like Nicki Minaj, he was staring… staring… staring at some webpage with the latest Lafayette recruits on Rivals.
Eventually the numbers blurred, becoming more and more blurry, until…
“Wake up!” the businesswoman said.
Art’s head shot up from the keyboard, awoken from a strange dream.
He dreamed that the businesswoman had become a full-fledged Lafayette Leopard fan, complete with crazy hair and very high heels.
“We need to get this done!” the businesswoman said. “Stop napping! Get back to work!”
“Sure thing,” Art said, as he deleted his browsing history, and returned to his spreadsheet. Much to his surprise, his analysis of the Leopard’s Patsy Rating was complete.
Art heard a knock on the door. He thrust open the door, but there was nobody there to be seen.
Looking down, he saw an envelope.
“The Committee,” it simply read on the back, with a bar code and “100% completion”, written in block letters, on the back.
A chill went up Art’s spine as he opened the letter, which had the scent of minty freshness.
“Is it those Hamiltonians trying this stuff again?” a businesswoman looking suspiciously like Nicki Minaj said once again.
Art’s voice trembled as he read the letter.
“In order to have the Colgate recruiting class at 100% completion,” he read, “you need to add these extra names to the end of the list.”
There was a pause as Art read the block letters of the recruits listed in the letter, as he made sure both deadbolts on the door were locked and in place.
“And to think,” Nicki said, “these guys have the best toothpaste anywhere.”
Art looked over the numbers.
“Are you sure,” he asked the raven-haired businesswoman that looked uncannily like Nicki Minaj, “that we should mention this?”
“Legally, it would probably be the best thing.”
“OK, then, let me read it and see what you think,” silver-haired Art said.
“The Patsy Ratings are for entertainment purposes only. Anyone who would read too far into to these would be foolish. It’s also not an indicator of any individual recruits’ worth. Many big Patsy Point recruits don’t amount to a hill of Fava beans in the League, and other guys who didn’t generate a single Patsy Point came out of nowhere to make all-Patriot League.
“And that’s not to mention that in the Patriot League, it’s really all about the diploma over everything else. Football gives you the opportunity to go to one of the best schools in the nation and compete against the best in Division I, FCS. If you made it this far, you’re one of an elite group of kids, with an opportunity some only dream of. It’s up to you what you make of that opportunity.”
“Your victory is right around the corner. Never give up,” she said.
Art looked at her quizzically.
“I mean, add that at the end there,” she said. “That really makes it sound much better.”
The knock on the door of the Committee’s fortieth floor offices came in early February.
Coming to the door was a short, silver-haired man named Art, holding a vacuum cleaner in one hand and tape of Bucknell’s thrilling win over Kansas in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament in the other. Even though he had been working for about an hour, it looked like he actually was sleeping in the office.
“Yes?” he said to the raven-haired office person who looked uncannily like Nicki Minaj.
“I got all of the numbers,” she said, “all of them this time. No calling me back for weeks waiting for Georgetown to get them all in. They’re all here. Linebackers, kickers, wideouts. All the names are here. So you can get to work right now on all of this.”
“You must be mistaken, Nicki.. I mean, lady,” Art said. “I’m just the guy who sweeps up in the Committee’s offices. I haven’t seen any of the Committee members since they were on that three-week bender in the Bronx and then went boozing and skiing in the Granite State. I think they still may still be up there.”
“Just get to work in it,” she said, her straight, long black hair waving a little as she dropped the paperwork on the desk that still smelled like Courvoisier.
It was then Art realized how much trouble he was in.
Somewhere, a dog barked.
In the distance, a lawnmower is heard on a bright, sunny day at Committee headquarters. The caps and gowns from graduations across the East coast are hung up on the hooks at the door. Half-empty bottles of scotch, and a few Yuengling bottles, litter the conference room table.
A knock is heard at the door. A Committee member gets up from a pizza and beer-induced coma, and answers the door.
“Package from Georgetown,” the UPS guy says.
The Committee member signs for the envelope, and opens it up. It’s the complete list of recruits for Georgetown’s Class of 2018, complete with a plush stuffed Hoya.
“Ah yes,” the Committee member mutters to himself. “It’s May, and it’s about the time that both Hoya football fans turn their attention to recruiting.”
Most Patriot League fan bases would be quite happy if you told them that a two-year won/loss record would be 18-4 with a couple of wins over perennial Top 25 teams, a sweep of Ivy League opponents, and a victory over your biggest rival.
But head coach Andy Coen, despite all the success, has plenty to wonder in regards to what could have been in the last two years.
One half away from a title in 2012. One touchdown away from a fifth straight win over that school in Easton. In a couple of seasons of fantastic comebacks and thrilling victories, its the two times where they couldn’t execute the comeback that stick out the most.
The offensive talent Lehigh has graduated too during this time – QB Michael Colvin, QB Brandon Bialkowski, WR Ryan Spadola, WR Lee Kurfis, RB Keith Sherman, OL Matt Lippincott, and FB Zach Hayden are but a few of those names – is substantial. If Lehigh hopes to transform oh-so-close into Patriot League Championships again, they’ll need to add new names to this list above.
Did this year’s recruiting class come close to doing so, according to the Patsy Rating system?
Let’s find out.
Lafayette head coach Frank Tavani holds a fairly odd distinction: in the last four seasons, his Leopards have finished the season with a sub-.500 record, yet the Spotted Ones also have – of all things – a Patriot League championship, and a trip to the FCS Playoffs last season to show for it.
Such is life in the seven-team Patriot League: you can struggle like a Leopard in a freezer in September and October, yet thaw out in time for league play and make a run to win the Championship.
In fact it was one of the players represented in last year’s Patsy Ratings, rising sophomore QB Drew Reed, that was a critical piece to their title run. Perhaps unsurprisingly, he was a two-star rated player by all the major scouting agencies, and was a huge factor in their Patsy Rating.
This season, will the Leopards have another Reed in their class? Will they have several? Will they have more than several? Will they have enough to have one of the best recruiting classes in the Patsy ratings this season?
In the last two years, Holy Cross has had a lot more moral victories than actual victories.
There was the last-second-almost-win against Lehigh two years ago, 36-35. There was the almost-miraculous comeback against Harvard, lost in overtime, 41-35. There were almost wins against Colgate. Fordham. The list goes on and on.
For head coach Tom Gilmore, whose Purple Crusaders went 3-9 (1-4), it must be agonizing to see his teams, so close to turning the corner, to just fall short.
The way to rectify the situation, of course, is recruiting.
This recruiting season, did Holy Cross do enough, according to the Patsy Ratings, to start to develop a squad that will start turning these moral victories into actual victories?
The big question regarding Fordham going into last year: What on Earth was happening with all of those scholarships?
With a two-year headstart on everyone else, many folks thought that the Lombardis would be stomping on the rest of the Patriot League by the 2012 season – if merit aid would indeed result in FCS championship-caliber teams.
In 2013, head coach Joe Moorhead finally delivered one of those types of teams, delivering an 11-1 regular season record, Fordham’s second-ever playoff victory, and a signal to the rest of the FCS of what regular scholarship Patriot League teams might look like in the future.
Yet the success, too, was not completely as it seemed.
Had Fordham been eligible for the Patriot League championship, they would have been no more than co-champions – with their loss to Lafayette, they would have lost the autobid to the Leopards anyway.
And the way they’ve built their team – as you will see – has not been so much built on Patsy Points, but has been at least partially built… in a way that the Patsy Points does not measure.
With this knowledge, how does Fordham’s Patsy point total stack up?